3.2 The Allure of “Keeping Up”: How Comparison Culture Affects Financial Decisions

The Mid-Week Social Scroll

It’s a Wednesday evening. You’re finally off work, plopping down on your sofa for a quick social media scroll. Right away, you notice:

• A friend boasting about their brand-new luxury watch, captioning it as a “treat for working so hard.”
• A coworker posting about upgrading from a modest car to a sleek European model—“Finally living my dream.”
• An old classmate’s story featuring their perfect getaway at a high-end beach resort.

You catch yourself feeling a pang of “Why not me?”—even though you haven’t actually cared about high-end watches, fancy cars, or lavish holidays until now. But suddenly, seeing others celebrate these upgrades has you questioning:

“Am I doing enough with my finances? Do I need to catch up?”

This subtle but powerful force of wanting to keep pace with peers—whether they’re best friends, coworkers, or social media acquaintances—is what we call the allure of “keeping up.” It can tempt us to overspend, chase status symbols, or adopt goals that might not really align with our values. Let’s delve into how it takes hold and how you can stay true to your own path.

1. The Comparison Trap in Hong Kong

Living in a Hyper-Competitive City

Hong Kong’s intense pace and sky-high living costs can create a constant feeling of “I need to do more, buy more, earn more.” Between the luxury shopping districts, the focus on prestigious brand names, and the cultural emphasis on achievement, it often seems like everyone around you is leveling up:

• Colleagues might jump from one high-paying job to another, touting bigger bonuses each time.
• Friends post about weekly gourmet brunches or must-have gadgets.
• Relatives compare who bought property first, or who’s in the more “respected” profession.

Social Media Amplifies It

Thanks to platforms like Instagram and Facebook, seeing others flaunt new purchases, exotic getaways, or milestone achievements is only a click away:

• FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) sets in: “If everyone else can afford this lifestyle, shouldn’t I?”
• Family or peer expectations can pile on: siblings, cousins, or old classmates might implicitly compare who’s got the best salary, the most luxurious home, or the nicest designer bags.

When “Congratulations” Becomes “Wait, Should I…?”

Imagine attending a friend’s housewarming—everyone congratulates them on their new flat in Kowloon. Suddenly, you think, “We’re the same age... Am I behind if I haven’t bought a place yet?” This inner dialogue can pop up even if property ownership wasn’t originally high on your agenda.

Why? Because witnessing someone else’s achievement can unconsciously spark a desire to keep up or prove you’re not lagging behind. In Hong Kong, property is seen as the ultimate measure of financial stability—so it’s natural to wonder if you’re missing out.

2. Why “Keeping Up” Is So Tempting

Human Nature: Fitting In = Survival

From an evolutionary standpoint, belonging to a group increased your ancestors’ chances of staying safe, sharing resources, and protecting each other. Being an outlier could risk isolation—or worse.

Today’s “danger” might be purely social—feeling judged or left behind—but the primal drive to stay in sync with peers remains:

• Friends buy bigger flats → You start second-guessing your cozy rented space.
• Colleagues get brand-new cars → You wonder if your modest vehicle (or lack of one) looks “unsuccessful.”

The Social Media Megaphone

Social media doesn’t just show someone’s highlight reel—it often magnifies that reel:

• Filtered Reality: People share the fun, fancy, and photogenic aspects of life. Rarely do they post about debt, remorse, or the behind-the-scenes hustle.
• Illusion of Effortless Success: One might see your ex-classmate’s triumphant “I invested in three properties!” post but never learn about the credit card debt or insane stress level that accompanied it.

Result? You might erroneously believe everyone else is sailing smoothly, triggering an “I must keep up” reflex.

3. How Comparison Culture Hurts Financial Decisions

1. Overspending to “Match Up”
   
   • Trying to mimic friends who spend lavishly can result in credit card debt, depleted savings, and a long-term financial burden.
   • You may never truly catch up, since there’s always someone with a bigger budget or more extravagant lifestyle.
2. Forcing Financial Timelines
   
   • Rushing into big moves—buying a home, upgrading your car, planning an extravagant wedding—just because peers do it can cause significant stress.
   • A heavy mortgage or massive loan might not suit your current income or priorities.
3. Missing Out on True Priorities
   
   • Pouring money into “impressive” things you don’t actually value (like super-luxury items) can divert funds from your genuine dreams—travel, further education, or starting a passion project.
4. Emotional Toll
   
   • Constant comparison breeds stress, envy, and possibly shame. It can erode self-confidence, fuel impulsive spending “to feel better,” and trap you in a cycle of dissatisfaction.

Think of It This Way

Picture you’re running a race on a personal track designed just for you—your pace, your goals, your finish line. The moment you start watching the runner in the next lane, you lose focus. You risk stumbling and never crossing your finish line. That’s what happens when you keep comparing your financial path to others.

4. Spotting “Keeping Up” Triggers and Breaking Free

Recognise the Trigger Moments

• Social Gatherings: A friend announces a fancy purchase or a coworker shows off a new investment. You feel a pang—“Should I do that too?”
• Scrolling Social Media: Seeing exotic trips or high-end dinners posted daily. You find yourself daydreaming (or impulse spending) to keep pace.

Quick Reflection

• Ask: “If I had all the money in the world but no one knew about my choices, would I still buy/do this?”

Practical Ways to Resist the Pull

1. Identify Your Own Metrics of Success
   
   • Swap out “buy property by 30 because everyone else does” for a more personal milestone—like “build a comfortable emergency fund,” or “invest in personal development courses.”
2. Set a Conscious Spending Plan
   
   • Adopt a 24-hour rule for big purchases triggered by envy or impulse. Sleep on it, and see if you still want it the next day.
   • Automate savings or investments so part of your income is “out of sight, out of mind,” reducing the chance you’ll blow it trying to keep up.
3. Create “Comparison-Free” Zones
   
   • Take social media breaks if certain feeds spark envy or FOMO.
   • Kindly steer conversations away from finances if you notice your circle tends to flaunt or compare too much.
4. Educate Yourself About Alternatives
   
   • If you feel pressured to buy property, research the pros and cons of renting or investing the difference.
   • Overwhelmed by a push for a “flashy lifestyle”? Read up on minimalism or voluntary simplicity—less can indeed be more.

Celebrate Others Without Self-Doubt

• When someone invests in a new condo or posts about a high-paying job, congratulate them wholeheartedly. Then, pivot back to your own goals.
• Their success needn’t overshadow your path. Different strokes for different folks.

Real-Life Example: Mei’s Social Media Break

Background: Mei scrolled Instagram nightly, seeing ex-classmates partying in Lan Kwai Fong or flaunting designer items. She felt inferior and started going out more, spending beyond her means to keep up.

Shift: Realising her credit card bills were ballooning, Mei decided to unfollow accounts that purely showcased lavish lifestyles. She replaced them with fitness, cooking, or travel influencers—her true interests. She also set a monthly entertainment budget.

Result: Mei still enjoys occasional nights out but no longer feels the need to do it every weekend. Her finances stabilised, and she found genuine satisfaction in activities she truly loves, free from the envy loop.

5. Key Questions to Ask Yourself

(Grab your phone or a simple piece of paper—don’t just think, write down your answers!)

1. If no one else saw my purchase, would I still want it?
   
   • Is the desire for the item or experience genuine, or just a show?
2. Am I making this move because it aligns with my life goals, or do I fear how others perceive me?
   
   • Distinguish between your true aspirations and external expectations.
3. What do I actually enjoy spending on?
   
   • Are you a foodie, a traveler, a family-oriented person? Identifying real passions helps curb unnecessary “keep up” spending.

6. Action Steps: Taking Control of Your Own Race

Action Step 1: Audit Your Social Circle and Social Media

• Notice how you feel after browsing certain feeds or hanging with certain people. If you consistently feel pressured, consider limiting that exposure or setting boundaries.

Action Step 2: Create a “Reverse Bucket List”

• Instead of listing achievements you want, write down what you refuse to do (e.g., go into massive debt for appearance’s sake, rush property ownership if you’re not ready). This clarifies non-negotiables.

Action Step 3: Practice Gratitude and Self-Celebration

• Each week, note 3 accomplishments (big or small). They might be “saved HKD 500 more than planned” or “chose a cheaper dining option and still had fun.”
• Focusing on your wins shifts the spotlight away from others’ lives.

Action Step 4: Talk About It

• If comfortable, share with friends or family how comparison affects you. You might discover they feel the same pressures. Sometimes, building a supportive environment can reduce the urge to compete.

7. Bringing It All Together

In a city where it seems everyone is boasting about new condos, lavish getaways, or designer items, it’s natural to wonder, “Am I behind?” But this “keeping up” mentality can drain your finances and derail your true priorities.

• Stop playing the infinite “arms race” of who can spend or achieve more.
• Refocus on your own life race—your pace, your rules, your finish line.
• Accept that others’ choices needn’t dictate yours.

When you escape the comparison trap, you unlock financial clarity, peace of mind, and the freedom to spend on what really brings you joy—no validation from social media or acquaintances required.

Up next is “Why ‘Success’ Looks Different for Everyone,” challenging the one-size-fits-all milestones (like property or a high-flying career) and reinforcing that personal definitions of success are what truly count. Meanwhile, reflect on where the “keep up” pressure surfaces most in your life. Is it property envy, job comparisons, or lifestyle upgrades? By recognising it—and focusing on what truly matters to you—you’re taking a big step toward authentic financial freedom.