2.1 How Family Shapes Your Financial Mindset

The Family Blueprint

Think back to your earliest memories of money. Maybe it was the day you carefully placed your pocket money into a piggy bank, or the time you overheard your parents arguing about household expenses. Those moments, however small they seemed, formed your first blueprint about what money means and how you should handle it.

Some of us grew up in homes where every dollar had to be stretched, where parents stressed over groceries and electricity bills. Others might have seen financial abundance, with little talk of budgeting but a lot of focus on what money could buy. Neither upbringing is “good” or “bad”; each simply teaches a different set of rules that can still show up in your adult life.

Why Family Comes First in Shaping Money Beliefs

Family is typically our very first “teacher” about money, even if finances were never explicitly discussed. Sometimes, you learned by observing who worried about bills and who prided themselves on being frugal. In Hong Kong culture, this family influence can run especially deep—whether it’s parents talking about the necessity of homeownership or grandparents stressing that financial stability ensures “saving face.”

Key Questions to Ask Yourself

• What did I learn about money from my family?
• How do these lessons show up in my daily financial habits?

Answering these might reveal behaviors you’ve inherited—some that serve you well, and others that might be holding you back.

Unspoken Lessons

When you’re a kid, you rarely get direct money lessons like, “Here’s how to invest wisely.” Instead, you absorb unspoken lessons:

• Did your parents argue every time a credit card bill arrived?
• Were you scolded for spending on “frivolous” things even if they brought you joy?
• Or maybe you heard stories of how hard your grandparents worked just to keep food on the table?

Without realising it, these stories and reactions become internal scripts. Fast-forward to today, and you may find yourself wary of buying anything non-essential, or perhaps you avoid looking at bank statements until the last possible moment. Recognising these patterns is the first step to deciding if they still serve you—or if it’s time to rewrite them.

From Childhood to Daily Habits

Let’s say you grew up in a household where the message was “Save everything because you never know what might happen.” As an adult, you might be diligent about building an emergency fund—but also struggle to enjoy the money you’ve saved, feeling guilty every time you treat yourself. Conversely, if your parents always insisted on “living in the moment,” you might have no trouble splurging on the latest gadget but rarely keep track of your spending.

Think of these habits as the family’s voice in your head. It’s there to guide you, but it can also limit you if it’s too rigid or outdated. Learning to identify which lessons you want to keep—and which ones you want to unlearn—is crucial for forming a healthier, more flexible relationship with money.

Common Lessons Passed Down in Hong Kong Families

• “Save, Save, Save!”
  Many older Hongkongers lived through wars, recessions, or other hardships, so the emphasis on saving everything you can runs deep.
• “Buy Property If You Can”
  Owning a flat isn’t just about shelter; it symbolises stability, success, and even filial piety.
• “Be Prepared for Emergencies”
  Sudden hospital bills or job losses are common cautionary tales, fueling a strong culture of insurance and emergency funds.
• “Discussing Money Feels Uncomfortable”
  Talking openly about money can be taboo; younger generations might struggle to learn because no one wants to discuss finances in detail.

These lessons can become subconscious rules guiding everything from whether you treat yourself to bubble tea to how aggressively you chase property ownership. Recognising them is the first step in deciding whether they’re serving—or limiting—you now.

Why Family Influence Matters

Family is usually our first point of contact with money. If you’re not aware of the lessons you learned at home, you might end up repeating unhelpful patterns—like avoiding any talk about finances, or feeling compelled to buy property simply because your parents drilled it into your head that “rent is money down the drain.”

Gaining clarity on where your beliefs come from doesn’t mean you have to blame anyone or feel guilty. Instead, think of it as shining a light on the foundation you’re standing on. Once you see the cracks or uneven spots, you can shore them up and build something stronger.

A Quick Reflection

What Did You Hear Growing Up?
Recall the phrases your parents used about money. Were they generally optimistic—“We’ll find a way,” or more anxious—“We can’t afford that!”?

How Did Your Parents Behave with Money?
Did they meticulously track every expense, or did they spend freely without much planning?

Which Memories Stand Out?
Was there a time when you felt particularly proud about saving up for something? Or a moment when you felt embarrassed discussing money with family?

Let’s say your grandparents lived through severe scarcity. They might ask, “How much did that cost?” every single time someone walks in with groceries, and beam with pride when they snag a discount on fish balls. Growing up in this environment, you might find yourself obsessively looking for sales—even for small items—because your family ingrained in you the idea that price determines value. Over time, you might overlook the bigger picture—such as the enjoyment of sharing a meal with loved ones—because you’re so focused on the money spent.

Spend a few moments jotting down these memories. You may notice certain themes—like caution, fear, or generosity—running through your childhood experiences. These themes can shape everything from how you set financial goals to how you handle setbacks.

A Real-Life Scenario: The Lam Family’s Scarcity Mindset

Imagine the Lam family:

• Grandparents: Arrived from rural China decades ago, scraping by with minimal resources. They survived hardships by saving everything they could.
• Parents: Raised under strict saving habits, yet witnessed Hong Kong’s property boom. They concluded that buying a flat is the ultimate financial goal.
• You: Juggle both influences. On one hand, you’ve internalised the drive to save obsessively; on the other, you’re told you must buy property as soon as possible. Meanwhile, your friends are going on trips, investing in themselves, and living more flexibly. You might feel torn between these inherited rules and what you personally want.

This example highlights how family money mindsets can be layered—and sometimes contradictory. Understanding these layers is crucial if you’re to find your balance.

Reflecting on Your Own Upbringing

Take a moment to think about the earliest money memories you have:

• Did your parents fight whenever a credit card statement arrived, or did they handle finances calmly behind closed doors?
• Were you encouraged to put lai see money straight into a savings account, or was it yours to spend however you liked?
• Did someone warn you never to buy frivolous items, or was indulgence encouraged?

These reflections can reveal why you might feel guilty about certain purchases, or why you feel anxious without a hefty savings cushion. If your grandmother repeatedly stressed the importance of never wasting a single dollar, you might still carry that voice inside—hesitating to invest in yourself or treat yourself to a day off, even when you can afford it.

Key Questions to Ask Yourself

Consider writing these down (yes, literally—on paper or in a notes app) and reflecting on them:

1. What did I learn about money from my family?
   
   • Were you taught to fear debt, or to see money as a tool for opportunity?
2. How do these lessons show up in my daily financial habits?
   
   • Are you hesitant to spend on anything that’s not “necessary”?
   • Do you scramble to buy property because you think renting is “throwing money away”?
3. Which lessons still serve me, and which limit me now?
   
   • Perhaps your saving habit keeps you secure, but also prevents you from investing in growth opportunities.
   • Or you might be following property-ownership dreams that aren’t aligned with your lifestyle or goals.

Action Steps: Embrace Awareness

1. Journal Your Earliest Memories
   Spend 10 minutes recalling the first time money felt important—who was involved, and how did you feel?
2. Spot the Triggers
   Notice any anxiety or guilt around spending. Ask yourself if that emotion belongs to you or if it’s rooted in someone else’s beliefs.
3. Open Up with Family
   If you have siblings or cousins, compare notes on how you each view saving or spending. It might surprise you how differently everyone interprets the same family stories.
4. Challenge One Old Belief
   Pick a family-based money rule—like “never spend on luxuries”—and question if it truly serves your well-being today.

Bringing It All Together

Family influences aren’t inherently good or bad; they’re simply the starting point for your financial story. Once you see what lessons you’ve absorbed—like the fixation on cost or the drive to buy property at all costs—you can choose which to keep, which to refine, and which to leave behind.

Remember: Your family’s financial philosophies are meaningful threads in your personal history, but you get to decide how the tapestry ultimately looks. By recognising the beliefs and habits passed down through generations, you empower yourself to rewrite the narrative in a way that aligns with your goals, not just your heritage.

What’s Next?

Now that you’ve taken a close look at your family’s role in shaping your money mindset, it’s time to zoom out and explore how broader cultural narratives—especially in Hong Kong—reinforce these lessons. In Lesson 2.2: Scarcity and Stability: Cultural Stories We Inherit, you’ll discover how the city’s values around hard work, property ownership, and financial security tie into everything you learned at home.

Give yourself a moment to reflect on these questions and experiences. Trust me—it’s worth the effort. Once you understand your family’s influence, you’re in a much better position to build a financial future that honors your past but isn’t confined by it.