2.4 Money and Intergenerational Conflict

Introduction: Tensions at the Family Table

Have you ever sat down for a meal with your parents or grandparents, only to find yourself in a heated discussion about spending habits, property ownership, or career choices? 

• You might want to travel more and live for today, or invest in non-traditional ways.
• Your grandparents might scold you, insisting, “You need to buy property ASAP—otherwise, you’re throwing money away!”
• Your parents could chime in, worrying you’re taking on too much risk or not living up to the “traditional path” they envisioned.
• Your kids could be rolling their eyes, saying they’d rather put their part-time earnings into a cool startup idea or some new investment trend.

I’ve been there, and it’s not fun. Suddenly, everyone’s talking past each other, and the tension is palpable. It can be easy to feel judged or like you’re disappointing someone. But often, these viewpoints come from genuine care—and from life experiences shaped by each generation’s environment.

Modern resources like the internet have opened doors our grandparents never knew existed. No wonder the generations may clash. The good news is, these tough conversations can actually spark growth when handled with empathy and respect.

Why Generational Views on Money Differ

We might all share the same kitchen table, but each generation brings a distinct lens to the conversation. Understanding why these lenses differ can make those tense moments feel less personal and more like an opportunity to learn from each other.

1. Life Experiences Shape Priorities
   
   • Older Generations: Often remember war-torn eras, political upheavals, or economic downturns like the 1997 Financial Crisis. Naturally, “saving every dollar” is ingrained in them.
   • Younger Generations: Grew up with global exposure—online investing, gig work, “digital nomad” lifestyles. They see new ways to earn, save, and spend beyond just saving for a house.
2. Different Definitions of “Security”
   
   • Parents/Grandparents: Might view a government or corporate job—an “iron rice bowl”—as the gold standard. Even if it means a modest salary or long hours, at least it’s stable.
   • Young Adults: With the internet offering endless insights, they might feel a single, lifelong job limits their potential. “Security” means diversified income streams, skill upgrades, or remote freelancing.
3. Varied Tolerance for Risk
   
   • Older Generations: After witnessing sudden market crashes and currency devaluations, many prefer to keep money in the bank. Risk-taking feels reckless.
   • Younger Generations: Surrounded by success stories on social media—startups, cryptocurrencies, global stock markets—they’re more open to exploring unorthodox investment routes, believing “bigger risks, bigger rewards.”

You’ve Probably Been in Situations Where…

• Your grandparents stare at you blankly when you mention investing in a tech startup. “Too risky!” they exclaim. Meanwhile, you see it as a bold move that could pay off.
• Your parents question every “non-essential” expense—like that daily cup of bubble tea. You think, “But it’s within my budget and makes my day a little happier…”
• Your kids roll their eyes at your emphasis on property ownership, believing renting or living abroad offers more freedom.
• You feel torn about “filial piety,” wanting to help with household bills yet also save for your own future goals.

In these moments, it’s easy to feel misunderstood or judged. But consider where they’re coming from: maybe they endured real hardship, so every luxury still feels risky or wasteful to them. Meanwhile, you’re influenced by global trends, social media, and a market that’s drastically different from the one they knew.

Emotional Baggage: Why These Conflicts Feel Personal

Money disputes might seem logical on the surface—property, savings, career paths—but they often tap into powerful emotions:

• Fear (Older Gen): Surviving scarcity breeds constant vigilance. “What if we lose everything again?”
• Frustration (Younger Gen): Feeling stifled or pressured to live by outdated rules that don’t match your reality.
• Guilt (Both Sides): You might feel guilty if you ignore family expectations; they might feel guilty if they can’t protect you.

When we ignore these emotions, small disagreements can blow up, leaving everyone hurt and defensive.

Common Points of Generational Tension

Let’s break down some typical flashpoints:

1. Property Ownership and Housing
   
   • Older Gen: Homeownership = ultimate security. “Renting is throwing money away!”
   • Younger Gen: Housing prices are astronomical. Renting or alternative investments might be more practical.
   • Kids: Wonder why anyone would put all their cash into a mortgage, possibly preferring to study or work overseas.
2. Career Choices
   
   • Traditional View: Get a stable job in a reputable company; climb the ladder.
   • Modern Perspective: Seek career fulfillment, possibly in startups or freelance roles. A single “safe” job feels limiting.
3. Financial Support and Filial Piety
   
   • Older Gen: It’s normal for children to help with expenses as soon as they start working.
   • Younger Gen: Happy to contribute, but also need to balance rent, loans, personal goals, or even caring for your mental health.
4. Spending vs. Saving
   
   • Older Gen: Emphasise thriftiness; leftover cash goes into the bank.
   • Younger Gen: Invests in experiences, personal growth, or tech-based investments, which can seem risky or unnecessary to elders.

A Flow of Understanding

Bridging these generational gaps isn’t about “winning” or converting your family to see everything your way. It’s about finding empathy and respect. Consider:

1. Open Communication
   
   • Invite calm, low-pressure talks rather than waiting for a big blowup. Let your grandparents share why they see property as vital, encourage your kids to explain how the internet shapes their risk-taking ideas.
2. Focus on Shared Goals
   
   • You might differ on tactics, but often everyone wants security, comfort, and family wellbeing. Zoom in on these common desires.
3. Acknowledge Context
   
   • Life in the ’70s or ’80s was radically different from now. Your parents’ emphasis on stable jobs or property might’ve been the only path to security back then. The online global economy is brand new to them.
4. Use “I” Statements
   
   • “I feel worried about a 30-year mortgage” is gentler than “You’re pressuring me!” It keeps the conversation on your feelings, not their failings.
5. Agree to Disagree
   
   • Sometimes, your parents won’t grasp why you’re renting. That’s okay. Respect each other’s logic, even if you can’t persuade them. Generational divides may remain. As long as each side feels heard, that tension can ease. Mutual respect matters more than absolute consensus.

Action Steps: Finding Collaboration, Not Conflict

(Take a moment, actually note these down—yes, physically or on your phone. You’ll be surprised how it helps.)

1. Reflect on Their Upbringing
   
   • What hardships or political events shaped your parents’ or grandparents’ attitudes? Realising they’re not just nagging for fun can shift your perspective.
   • If you have kids, how much today’s globalised opportunities shape their views?
2. Explain Your Reality
   
   • Show them concrete numbers, like how housing prices have surged vs. salary growth. Offer to share articles or tutorials. The internet might be new to them, but it can open their eyes to modern challenges.
3. Spot the Common Ground
   
   • Are you both striving for security, just in different ways? Highlight these shared values so the conversation feels cooperative instead of combative.
4. Set Boundaries
   
   • It’s okay if you choose a path they don’t fully endorse—just ensure you’ve done your research. Politely request that they respect your decision, as you respect their past experiences.
5. Agree to Disagree Gracefully
   
   • You might not turn Grandpa into a fan of cryptocurrencies, and your kids might never embrace the “buy a house now!” mantra. That’s fine as long as everyone feels heard and respected. Sometimes, generations won’t see eye to eye. That’s fine. As long as each side understands the other, you can maintain harmony even without total agreement.

Bringing It All Together

If you’ve been in these tense situations (and I bet you have), know you’re not alone. Intergenerational money conflicts are practically a Hong Kong tradition in themselves. The key is remembering that your family’s viewpoints come from real experiences, not stubbornness or a desire to make your life difficult.

• Embrace empathy: Understand their context—old-school hardships, cultural values, fear of losing face.
• Stay true to yourself: You have access to modern resources and different ambitions. That doesn’t mean you dismiss their wisdom.
• Aim for understanding over victory: You might not convert your dad into a pro-renter or your grandma into a crypto investor, but you can reduce friction by showing each other mutual respect.

In the next lesson, we’ll discuss “breaking free from the ‘shoulds’”—those unspoken rules your family or society might impose on your financial life. But for now, think about one money-related disagreement in your household. Which generational values are clashing? Can you inject empathy, or let your kids explain their side, so the conversation flows rather than explodes?

After all, when you mix the “old school” caution with the “new school” ambition, you might discover a balanced path that unites the best of both worlds—without all the dinner-table drama.