2.3 The Emotional Legacy of Money

More Than Just Numbers

By this point, you’ve seen how your parents, grandparents, and the broader culture weave together to form your basic assumptions about money—whether that’s “always save,” “buy property at any cost,” or “work until you drop.” But these beliefs aren’t purely intellectual. They also carry a powerful emotional charge. Maybe you feel a jolt of pride every time you add to your savings, or a pang of guilt if you buy something “frivolous.” These responses aren’t random; they’re emotional legacies rooted in the lessons you’ve absorbed.

Why Emotions Matter

In a perfect world, we’d all handle money rationally—crafting budgets, analysing investment options, and calmly deciding how to spend and save. In reality, our emotions often take the steering wheel. They can override logic, prompting decisions that might not align with your long-term goals or actual financial situation.

• Anxiety: Maybe you grew up hearing that money runs out quickly. Now, even with a decent salary, you feel restless unless you have a massive emergency fund.
• Guilt: If family members called certain purchases “wasteful,” you might experience guilt every time you spend on yourself—even if you can afford it.
• Pride: Scoring a discount or adding to your savings might give you a rush of accomplishment, reinforcing behaviors—like extreme frugality—that could be beneficial or limiting, depending on your bigger picture.

Understanding these emotional reactions is the first step to making them work in your favor.

Imagine you’ve been eyeing a stylish outfit or a course that could upgrade your skills. The moment you’re about to purchase, a wave of anxiety hits: “Should I be spending this money? Is it worth it?” That tug-of-war might seem logical, but it’s often fueled by emotions formed through past experiences.

If you grew up hearing “money is always scarce” or “never waste a dollar,” you may feel guilt or fear each time you reach for your wallet. Conversely, if you saw family members celebrate every savings milestone, you might experience pride each time you stash more cash. Recognising these emotional undercurrents is the first step toward ensuring they empower—rather than limit—your choices.

Common Emotional Imprints

1. Fear of Not Having Enough
   
   • Origins: Family stories of scarcity, cultural narratives about Hong Kong’s high cost of living.
   • How It Shows Up: Reluctance to spend on “wants,” obsessively checking your bank balance, or feeling uneasy about any form of debt.
   • Potential Outcome: While fear can motivate you to save diligently, it might also prevent you from taking calculated risks—such as investing in your skills or exploring new career opportunities.
2. Guilt Around Spending
   
   • Origins: Parents who scolded you for “wasting money,” or a cultural mindset that views any non-essential purchase as frivolous.
   • How It Shows Up: Justifying every penny you spend, feeling remorse after even a modest splurge, or secretly buying items to avoid family judgment.
   • Potential Outcome: Although guilt can keep you from reckless spending, it can also lead to stress, secrecy, or lack of self-care.
3. Pride in Self-Sufficiency
   
   • Origins: Family emphasis on hard work, Hong Kong’s “work-until-you-succeed” ethos.
   • How It Shows Up: Feeling great satisfaction in earning and saving on your own, but possibly resisting help or collaboration (e.g., turning down joint ventures or refusing to trust financial advisors).
   • Potential Outcome: Pride can encourage independence and diligence, yet make you miss out on support or partnerships that could accelerate your growth.
4. Envy and Peer Pressure
   
   • Origins: A dense city where status and “face” matter, leading to constant comparisons.
   • How It Shows Up: Overspending to keep up with friends who dine at upscale places or own luxury items.
   • Potential Outcome: Envy can spur ambition but also trap you in a cycle of competition, fueling debt and stress.

How These Emotions Impact Decisions

• Overspending or Underspending: Fear might make you overly frugal, missing out on beneficial opportunities (like self-improvement) because of worst-case scenarios replaying in your head. Or you might overspend to “keep up appearances.”
• Investment Paralysis: Some Hongkongers avoid investing beyond their bank savings, haunted by stories of market crashes. While caution can be wise, paralysing fear can stifle long-term wealth growth.
• Work-Life Balance: Emotions like pride or anxiety may push you to chase a certain salary for security, leading to overwork. You might stay in an unfulfilling role simply because stepping away feels too risky.
• Impulse Spending When Stressed: “I deserve this” after a tough week is a familiar refrain. But repeated stress-fueled shopping can erode savings and escalate financial worries.
• Avoiding Important Conversations: If money triggers fear or shame, you might dodge discussions with family or partners, missing out on shared solutions or mutual understanding.
• Over-Focusing on Security: Anxiety about the future can lead to hoarding cash while neglecting higher-return investments, limiting overall growth.

Practical Ways to Uncover Your Emotional Imprints

1. Track Your Emotional Reactions
   
   • Over the next week, jot down how you feel before and after making a financial decision—whether it’s paying bills, shopping for groceries, or treating yourself to bubble tea. Notice patterns in words like “relief,” “excitement,” “guilt,” or “anxiety.”
2. Reflect on Family Conversations
   
   • Think back to the last few times money came up with family. Did you feel defensive? Proud? Ashamed? These reactions can clue you in to long-standing emotional scripts.
3. Use the “5 Whys” Method
   
   • Each time you experience a strong emotion around money, ask yourself “Why?” five times in a row. This can help peel back the layers—“I’m anxious about paying this bill because I’m worried about running out of money... which comes from hearing my parents say we were always one paycheck away from disaster,” and so on.

Balancing Emotions with Logic

It’s tempting to see emotions as obstacles, but they can be allies when balanced with rationale and facts.

• Acknowledge, Don’t Dismiss
  Try not to shame yourself for feeling anxious or guilty. Instead, ask what that feeling might be telling you. Anxiety over a big purchase might indicate you’re overextending, or it could reflect an inherited fear that no longer serves you.
• Set Boundaries and Goals
  Use your emotional insights to create sensible guidelines. For example, if you’re prone to impulse buys when stressed, implement a “24-hour cooling period” before making any non-essential purchase.
• Learn and Seek Support
  If an emotion stems from confusion or lack of knowledge (like fear of investing), consider taking a short course, reading reputable resources, or discussing with a trusted financial advisor. Knowledge often alleviates negative emotions.

Real-Life Example: The Chan Family

Imagine you’re part of the Chan family. Your parents lived through the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis, instilling a fear of market crashes. Every time you mention stocks or mutual funds, they respond with dire warnings about losing everything. Because of this, you may have avoided investing entirely, funneling all your money into savings accounts with minimal interest returns.

Over time, you notice your savings are solid but your money isn’t growing as quickly as you’d like. You decide to face that inherited fear and do some research. You learn that while investing has risks, there are conservative strategies that fit your comfort level. The result? You start small—maybe buying a diversified ETF—and you realise your fear, while valid historically, was limiting your potential. By understanding that emotional driver, you’ve opened the door to more balanced financial growth.

Action Steps: Putting Emotional Awareness into Practice

1. Identify Your Strongest Emotional Trigger
   
   • Is it fear? Guilt? Pride? Spend a week noticing which emotion crops up most often during financial decisions.
2. Reframe One Limiting Emotion
   
   • Pick a specific situation—say, guilt around eating out. Next time it happens, pause and ask: “Do I truly believe this is wasteful, or am I echoing an old family message?” If it’s an old script, give yourself permission to spend on enjoyment within reason.
3. Share Your Insights
   
   • If you have close friends or a partner, explain your emotional triggers. Sometimes airing these feelings helps you see them more objectively—and you might discover they have similar stories.
4. Set Emotional Boundaries
   
   • If certain family members or colleagues spark anxiety by constantly talking about money or bragging about their investments, consider limiting those conversations or politely shifting the topic. Protecting your mental space is part of building healthy money habits.

Bringing It All Together

Our emotions around money—shaped by family narratives, cultural expectations, and personal experiences—are powerful drivers of our financial decisions. In a high-pressure environment like Hong Kong, it’s easy for anxiety, guilt, shame, or pride to turn your financial life into an emotional rollercoaster.

Remember: awareness is the first step to mastery. Once you can spot fear, anxiety, or pride influencing your actions, you have the power to pause and re-evaluate. You don’t have to banish these feelings—after all, they stem from real stories and lessons—but you can learn to work with them in healthier ways.

By tuning in to your emotional responses and deliberately choosing how to spend, save, or invest, you’ll build a more balanced and empowered relationship with money. You’ll begin separating past experiences from present needs and opportunities.

What’s Next?

In the upcoming guide, we’ll delve into intergenerational money conflicts—exploring how different age groups in the same family can clash over financial decisions, beliefs, and emotional baggage. Before moving on, take a moment to reflect:

• Which emotional responses come up most frequently when I think about money?
• How might I better manage—or harness—those emotions?

Your answers will pave the way for healthier conversations and more aligned financial decisions, both within your family and in your own financial journey. By understanding this emotional legacy, you’re one step closer to achieving not just financial stability, but peace of mind as well.